Shit-peddling tabloid claims terrorists conspire in Modern Warfare

First they came for Farmville and I said nothing, for I did not play Farmville...

The Sun, a daily waste of murdered trees that still has the gall to call itself a newspaper, today “exclusively” reveals how terrorists “are using online war games like Call of Duty to plot attacks.” Apparently your average militant fundamentalist has wised-up to cops monitoring their phone calls, emails, Facebook pages and other forms of communication, so now they’re turning to online games to plot their dastardly deeds. According to the article, which reads a lot like a rehash of concerns from 2008 that terrorists could possibly, maybe use World of Warcraft to plot terror attacks in secret, “gamers can log on in groups to play against each other and – crucially – chat in private.”

Well we all know what The Sun and its ilk think about privacy don’t we?

According to an unnamed – and probably completely fucking made-up – source terrorists are “logging into group games over the internet and discussing terror plots,” presumably in between bouts of name calling and teabagging. If that’s not enough to make you choke on your tea and biscuits and eye your Xbox with suspicion, Mr Nameless Source goes on to say “there has even been evidence would-be jihadists treat war games as training tools, a bit like a pilot might use a flight simulator.” So keep an eye out for any sinister-looking foreign sorts pulling off some sick no-scoping in a town centre near you. According to some other unnamed sources these terrorists choose such, ahem, “realistic conflict games” as Modern Warfare to “mask their deadly discussions as harmless web chat.”

Not just bog-standard ordinary realistic either. According to David Willets and Tom Wells – the writers of this sensationalist puff-piece – terrorists prefer “incredibly realistic first person games” (emphasis mine) where “the controller works through a complex simulation of war scenarios,” carrying out missions ranging from “planting bombs to fighting one-on-one” and battling enemy fighters. Why none of that is sensationalist at all is it Messrs Willets and Wells? Least of all the sub-headline “Kid’s fave keeps their plots secret,” a statement negated by the massive sodding 18 certificate rating on the Black Ops box cover used to illustrate the article. But why let something as trivial and insignificant as facts get in the way of a “good” story, eh?

Look I’ve no doubt terrorists will use whatever means of communication they can get their grubby semtex-caked hands on, whether it’s Guild Wars or Puffin Party. Conveniently The Sun fails to mention that terrorists don’t even need HYPER REALISTIC WAR SIMULATIONS like Modern Warfare or Medal of Honour to do it. I can form a party on Xbox Live and talk to people over my headset mic in private too, or arrange to meet them in my local park. I can even invite someone round to where I live and plan illegal things with them in person, without anyone overhearing us, using a super secret counter-intelligence tool called “a pen and some paper.” But then what else do you expect from a rag notorious for repeated attacks on games and gaming, for the sake of selling more sheets of overpriced birdcage-liner?

Matt

About Matt

Matt is the irresponsible degenerate behind bitscreed.com and the sarcastic writer, editor, director, presenter and tea boy of Pixel Burn.