Frozen Synapse gets new ending, murders artistic integrity


We should have listened. IGN’s resident art expert and intellectual colossus Colin Moriarty said it would set “a dangerous precedent” if BioWare caved in to fan demands for a new ending to Mass Effect 3 and we didn’t believe him. Now the floodgates of Pandemonium have been yanked from their hinges, unleashing a whirlwind of chaos upon our precious games that threatens to destroy the beautiful artistic integrity of our developer maestros. The first game to fall before this storm of anarchy is indie turn-based tactical hit Frozen Synapse which will today be getting a new ending created entirely by fans. Oh the humanity!

Inspired by BioWare’s recent kowtowing, developer Mode 7 games foolishly sought the – pfft! – “wisdom” of the unwashed, uneducated plebeian rabble that is the Frozen Synapse community. Unsurprisingly these gauche simpletons – who probably think Rembrandt was member of the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, pfft! – demanded “ponies!”, “dinosaurs!” and other juvenile bilge be included in this travesty. “It felt like vanadalising my own work,” said Mode 7’s Paul Taylor to Rock, Paper Shotgun, “and I feel really, really genuinely bad about any player who has been slogging their way through the game and is unlucky enough to finish the game in the week where this ending will be present.”

Such was my distress when I heard the news I shed a myriad of bitter tears onto the pages of my worn copy of “The Catcher in the Rye.” Egads, Picasso must be performing a cadaverous dervish within his cubist catafalque! Thank my personal, non-specific yet spiritual interpretation of a supreme being this ending will only be in place for a span of seven days! A week long temporal statement on the tendency for art to be broken and warped in the gaze of the…MY GOD IT’S GENIUS! Bravo Paul Taylor, bravo! My keen intellect has now grasped the ephemeral strands of the iconoclastic meta-textual statement you are making. I now fully comprehend the sublime subtlety of your damning statement about the tyranny of the consumer in our capitalist society and the eternal struggle of the artist, torn between expression and necessity.

“It’s just an experiment,” said Paul. “I was so bowled over and fascinated just by the fact that such a change would even be considered, so I thought I’d see how it felt to do it.”

Of course! Where else could such a profound experiment originate if not the indie sphere? Pray tell maestro, what motivated you? What burning issue in the core of your poetic soul reached its luminescent tendrils into the crude matter of your brain and compelled you to make such a striking, revolutionary statement? Bequeath unto me your wisdom so I may illuminate the muck-encrusted minds of lesser men and women in some artistic way, such as through the medium of video. Dogme 95 perhaps. Yes, I could walk down a busy street towards the camera telling everyone why they’re stupid and entitled-

“I don’t know why I’m doing this to them.”


Source: Rock, Paper Shotgun


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Matt is the irresponsible degenerate behind and the sarcastic writer, editor, director, presenter and tea boy of Pixel Burn.